Funny Money Quotes Money Talks We Translate
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Est. 1998
Quotations about Money
Time flies, but not so fast as money. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1907, George Horace Lorimer, editor True sterling happiness and joy Destiny shapes our ends, but making ends meet is our own responsibility. ~Arnold H. Glasow (1905–1999) Old Philpot: I instill'd good principles into thee. The man of the constitutional régime is not a merry-maker, quite the contrary. He is hypocritical, avaricious, and profoundly selfish; whatever question strikes against his brow, his brow rings like a drawer full of big pennies. ~Claude Tillier (1801–1844), My Uncle Benjamin: A Humorous, Satirical, and Philosophical Novel, 1843, translated from the French by Benjamin R. Tucker, 1890 There is one rule that works in every calamity. Be it pestilence, war or famine, the rich get richer and poor get poorer. The poor even help arrange it. ~Will Rogers (1879–1935) This disparity in living standards between the rich and the poor is as great a threat to peace as the arms race, and narrowing the gap is as imperative as arms control. ~Adlai Stevenson, in LIFE, "Eloquent Guides to America's National Purpose," 1960 Car sickness is the feeling some persons get when each month's installment comes due. ~The Speaker's Book of Illustrations by Herbert V. Prochnow, 1960 Small vices make the big leaks in modern incomes. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor When your outgo exceeds your income your upkeep is your downfall. ~Author unknown, c.1945 My piggy bank broke, and now it's spent MONEY A disease of very peculiar symptoms. Those who have it seem to have no complaint at all and those who don't have it, have a great deal. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Altogether New Foolish Dictionary, by Gideon Wurdz, 1914 Money is like water: in sufficient volume, it erodes the bedrock of principle, and cuts its own channel. ~Dr. Idel Dreimer, lumpenbangenpiano.com "I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." Though a man be worth millions, he can enjoy no more of life's blessings than his necessities require; any accumulation of wealth beyond these partake of theft from God and his fellowman. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Sparks from the Philosopher's Stone, 1882 There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money either. ~Robert Graves, c.1950s How to get RICH? 1st, make more; 2nd, spend less. ~Josh Billings, revised by H. Montague The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. ~Author unknown Living within your income eliminates worry and a great many other things. ~Arnold H. Glasow (1905–1999) A fool and his money are very attached. ~Student at Brookside School, Long Island, 1966, completing the first part of the proverb as given by Candid Camera, CBS Money is a needful and precious thing—and, when well used, a noble thing—but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I'd rather see you poor men's wives, if you were happy, beloved, contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace. ~Louisa May Alcott, Little Women, "Meg Goes to Vanity Fair," 1868 There are no pockets in a shroud. ~Author unknown When the biggest, richest, glassiest buildings in town are the banks, you know that town's in trouble. ~Edward Abbey, Vox Clamantis in Deserto, 1989 Take care of the pennies and the safe deposit companies will take care of everything else. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody's making a penny. ~Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special, 1985, stevenwright.com This planet has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. ~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I would fulfill my wildest dream of material possessions, that I might hear my soul wailing through marble halls. ~Muriel Strode (1875–1964), My Little Book of Life, 1912 The "line of beauty" is a curve something like the letter S, but it attracts more attention when it has a parallel line drawn through it, thus—$. ~Mary Wilson Little, Reveries of a Paragrapher, 1897 One of the joys of wealth is the right to preach the virtues of poverty. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor A modern miracle is the building of a house within the original estimates. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1904, George Horace Lorimer, editor In spite of spelling reform, success still ends in $$. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor A full purse makes disagreeable men, and even knaves, tolerable in society. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Sparks from the Philosopher's Stone, 1882 Riches may not bring happiness but they enable one to send a carriage for it. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor The trouble with spending all your time acquiring wealth is that you never get wealthy enough to buy back your time. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com BORROW to swap hot air for cold coin. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904 A banknote's beauty depends upon its figure. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor I will scourge the money-changers out of the temples of my life. ~Muriel Strode (1875–1964), "A Soul's Faring: LVIII," A Soul's Faring, 1921 The difference between necessities and luxuries is generally measured by the pocketbook. ~Mary Wilson Little, Reveries of a Paragrapher, 1897 Gold is the color that predominates throughout the pages of all history. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Sparks from the Philosopher's Stone, 1882 Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell. ~J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, 1951 Gold.— Dead earth, for which many men sacrifice life and lose heaven. ~"Specimens of a Patent Pocket Dictionary, For the use of those who wish to understand the meaning of things as well as words," The New Monthly Magazine and Literary Journal, 1824 Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars. ~South Park, "Trapped in the Closet," 2005, written by Trey Parker & Kenny Hotz PHILANTHROPIST One who returns to the people publicly a small percentage of the wealth he steals from them privately. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904 Always borrow money from a pessimist... He never expects to be paid back. ~Buffalo Express, 1910 If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. ~Author unknown Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. ~Author unknown Of all the divers brands of joy that make our journey sunny, of all the bliss without alloy, there's none like spending money. It's well to put away a wad, against the rainy weather; it's well, when hard times are abroad, to have some coins together. But when you've salted down a roll of sesterces and talents, then, to invigorate your soul, go out and blow the balance. Don't let the saving habit grow, until you are a miser; salt down a part, a portion blow—that policy's the wiser. I like to toddle to the bank and put some bones in pickle; I like to save, but I'm no crank on saving every nickel. I like to take the extra plunk, and to the mart go flying, and buy a lot of useless junk, just for the sake of buying. ~Walt Mason When a feller says, "It hain't th' money but th' principle o' th' thing," it's th' money. ~Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard, The Indianapolis News and Abe Martin's Sayings and Velma's Vow, 1916 Your friend lends and your enemy asks payment. ~Dutch Proverb You have to be clever to live within your income, but you must be cleverer to live without it. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1909, George Horace Lorimer, editor Never buy a what you do not want, because it is cheap... ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825 Count often the probable days of your life, and more seldom will you count your dollars and cents. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Sparks from the Philosopher's Stone, 1882 Wall Street is a very small thoroughfare, but it is not a straight and narrow path. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor And that brings us back to this graph and this distribution of our life. I accumulated a lot of money when I think about it. When you think and you say, now is the time to give back — well, if you're giving back, you took too much.... [M]y financial advisor in New York, he says, look, you're a silly guy because you would have 4.1 times more money today if you had made money with money instead of sharing as you go. But I like sharing as you go better. ~Ricardo Semler, "How to run a company with (almost) no rules," TEDGlobal, October 2014 TIPS Wages we pay other people's hired help. ~Charles Wayland Towne, The Foolish Dictionary, Executed by Gideon Wurdz, Master of Pholly, Doctor of Loquacious Lunacy, etc., 1904 Sermons on the dangers of wealth are not intended to discourage the collection plate. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor Aunt Betsey made a bad bargain when she exchanged her girlish aspirations for a man whose soul was in his pocket. ~Louisa May Alcott, "Christie," Work: A Story of Experience, 1873 WEALTH. Any income that is at least $100 more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. ~H. L. Mencken ~H. L. Mencken The three greatest BLESSINGS in this life are a clear conscience, a devoted wife and a little ready money. ~Josh Billings, revised by H. Montague Money that is obtained without effort is spent without conscience. ~Dr. Idel Dreimer, lumpenbangenpiano.com I am having an out-of-money experience. ~Author unknown Extravagance is your neighbor's method of spending money. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor The world turns on a dime, the same now as it always has — which is to say, money makes the world go 'round. It's also what makes the world go spinning out of control. ~Joe Murray, "History updates current events," Spartanburg Herald-Journal, May 10th 1992 [T]his country is bigger than Wall Street, and if they don't believe it, I show 'em the map. ~Will Rogers, 1929 Blind is he as any Bat that flitters The little money I have — that is my wealth, but the things I have for which I would not take money, that is my treasure. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com Earth gets its price for what Earth gives us; There's more fun running after the dollar than sitting on it. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor But before they had reached the corner of the lane, the man came running after them, and pressing her hand, left something in it — two old, battered, smoke-encrusted penny pieces. Who knows but they shone as brightly in the eyes of angels as golden gifts that have been chronicled on tombs? ~Charles Dickens (1812–1870) A penny sav'd, is a penny got— He that hath money in his purse won't want a head on his shoulders. Rome was not built in a day— Fortunes are made by degrees— Pains to get, care to keep, and fear to lose— He that lies in bed, his estate feels it. The old curmudgeon thinks nothing mean that brings in an honest penny. Love your neighbour, but don't pull down your hedge. Friendship has nothing to do with trade. Charity begins at home. A fool and his money are soon parted. Too many eggs in one basket... ~Arthur Murphy, The Citizen, c.1760 Any fool can spend money; some fools can make it; but the fool who can make and keep it cheats folly and becomes wise. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, George Horace Lorimer, editor, as reprinted in Poor Richard Jr's Almanack, 1906 I wonder now if you ever remember... OCTOBER: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The other are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. ~Mark Twain If I had her money, I'd be richer than she is. ~From the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1961, screenplay by George Axelrod, based on the novella by Truman Capote, spoken by the character Holly Golightly Few are aware that they want any thing, except pounds schillings and pence. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827 ...he that wants money, means, and content, is without three good friends... ~William Shakespeare, As You Like It, c.1599 [III, 2, Corin] A little satisfies the poor, while the rich never cease their longings. ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Sparks from the Philosopher's Stone, 1882 How quickly nature falls into revolt Suburbs — where the houses are farther apart and the payments closer together. ~Arnold H. Glasow (1905–1999) The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind — a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. ~Woody Allen People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. ~Doug Larson, United Feature Syndicate, as quoted by The Reader's Digest, 1992 Sometimes I think that all mankind Foul-cankering rust the hidden treasure frets, A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety and nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stocks snuggles into your heart in the same way. ~Mark Twain (at Bayreuth) A penny saved is an example to the other ninety-nine cents. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1904, George Horace Lorimer, editor I hire everything. I hire water, heat, light. I hire tea by the teabag. I've lived here for ten years now and nothing is mine. ~Martin Amis, Money: A Suicide Note, 1984 Life Insurance is a legalized Hold-up at the point of a premium, "Your money for your Life." ~Gideon Wurdz (Charles Wayland Towne), Foolish Finance, 1905 Wallets are the fabricated items into which we put our fabricated money, which most people believe to be their possession of the realest value. ~Terri Guillemets If all the economists in this country were laid end to end, they would never reach a conclusion. ~Author unknown No man can tell whether he is rich or poor by turning to his ledger. It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich or poor according to what he is, not according to what he has. ~Henry Ward Beecher Ninety-Nine is a famous number Nature gives the poor an appetite that they may like what they eat. The rich do not need one as they can eat what they like. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. ~Author unknown Money talks — but the lack of it is a good grumbler. ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1906, George Horace Lorimer, editor When money talks it often merely remarks "Good-by." ~"Poor Richard Junior's Philosophy," The Saturday Evening Post, 1903, George Horace Lorimer, editor
Are not with gold allied;
Nor can it yield a pleasure like
A merry fireside...
~J.J. Reynolds, "A World of Love at Home," in The New Monthly Belle Assemblée, October 1844
George Philpot: So you did, Sir— (aside) Principal and interest is all I ever heard from him...
~Arthur Murphy, The Citizen, c.1760
I can't think where all of my money went...
~Harry Behn (1898–1973), "Shopping Spree," Windy Morning: Poems and Pictures, 1953
"You'd take it?"
"I would leave the funeral of my dearest enemy to go and assume its burdens and responsibilities."
~Mark Twain, The American Claimant
But the sweetest, by heck,
Are the ones that begin with:
"Inclosed please find check."
~Milwaukee Sentinel, 1906 "Inclosed find check!" The sweetest words that e'er outclassed the song of birds!... When sad and tired and short of kale, a letter comes by morning mail... The sun is once more cutting hay, the gloomy clouds are blown away, the world is glad that was a wreck, changed by the words, "Inclosed find check." ~Walt Mason (1862–1939), "Sweetest Words"
Who can only see the Thing that Glitters.
~Arthur Guiterman, "Of Wealth," A Poet's Proverbs, 1924
The beggar is taxed for a corner to die in,
The priest hath his fee who comes and shrives us,
We bargain for the graves we lie in;
Each ounce of dross costs its ounce of gold...
'T is heaven alone that is given away,
'T is only God may be had for the asking;
There is no price set on the lavish summer,
And June may be had by the poorest comer.
~James Russell Lowell, The Vision of Sir Launfal
Whether your June is all turned to December...
Gone are those winters of chats and of dances...
Gone the aroma of life's young romances...
Ah! well enough, as you dance on in joyance...
Fashion and riches will mask much annoyance...
~Christopher Pearse Cranch, "Marion Dale"
When gold becomes her object!
For this the foolish over-careful fathers
Have broke their sleep with thoughts,
Their brains with care, their bones with industry...
~William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part II, c.1597 [IV, 5, Henry IV]
exist but to be bought and sold:
The rich man's paramour is gold,
the poor man's goddess, gold, gold, gold.
~Frederic Ridgely Torrence, The House of a Hundred Lights: A Psalm of Experience After Reading a Couplet of Bidpai, 1899
For I need Nothing while he needs a Lot.
Shall he be held the Richer of the Two
Whose Wealth is great — or he whose Wants are few?
~Arthur Guiterman, "Of Wealth," A Poet's Proverbs, 1924 Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
But gold that's put to use more gold begets.
~William Shakespeare, Venus and Adonis
He never had a bank account—not even in a sock;
He never was mistaken for a putter-by of wealth—
His int'rest came in sunshine and his dividends in health.
~Author unknown, "The Happy Investor," 1914
for at the market the seller knows
he is so very much more popular
than his bigger brother The Dollar!
~Terri Guillemets, "99¢," 2001
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